Poor Sports:
Celebrating the Worst in Athletics

booyah June 7, 2021

booyah Archive

OJ RocKKKer Chmura

A column celebrating the worst in athletics: Following the freaks, frauds and failures that make up the rich tapestry of people we call "POOR SPORTS:"

Coleman The Words of Jerry Coleman
Longtime San Diego Padres TV announcer Jerry Coleman is the 2005 recipient of the Ford C. Frick Award. So we have decided to honor Coleman after winning this fantastic Frickin' award.
Dalkowski The Wildest Pitcher of All Time
Steve "White Lightnin'" Dalkowski's life has been as wild and unpredictable as his pitching. Everybody who met Dalkowski or saw him play has a story to tell -- and they all end badly.
Lakers An Ode to the L.A. Basketball Fan
I never leave the game early, but I know plenty of people who do. Want to know why? The Lakers are usually 20 points up and the Clippers are usually 20 points down. We're used to it. (6/7/01)
Arena Football Working in the Wrong Arena
Arena football is a lot like my last relationship: You dress and act like it's the real thing, but it's doomed to fail, the rules are unclear, and there's a lot less scoring than you were promised. (4/20/01)
Grand Prix Pace Yourself
I go 150 miles around Long Beach (about 149 mph faster than a normal day) with racer Paul Tracy on a tour of the Grand Prix race. (4/7/01)
Poor Sport Awards Poor Sport of the Year Award
The yearly wrap-up of the worst in sports: Iverson, Ray Lewis, Mark Chmura, and Wilt wilts, and STILL Makes it posthumously. (1/9/01)
Air Iverson Air Iverson
Events on National Airlines flight 49, Monday, August 21, 2000, as reported by SportsHollywood and "two nationally published fellow passengers who wish to remain anonymous."
Bob Feller The Most Unhappy Feller
Today athletes' signatures are a commodity sold in sports shops or as an endorsement on magazine ads. They aren't for kids at a ballpark. You could see it all change during the eighties. (8/25/00)
Die Hard The Die-Hard Fan
A British hooligan took his 77-year-old father-in-law to watch a rugby league final in Edinburgh, Scotland... the morning after he died. (8/6/00)
Hill Grant Hill was Brainwashed by Amway!
On Tuesday Hill finally flew home, reading Hope from my Heart -- 10 Lessons for Life, written by Amway founder Rich DeVos, the Magic's owner, while sitting in first class.
OJ Okay - Here's My Friggin' O.J. Column
O.J. called in on live TV and accused panel guest Denise Brown of being the only one who had profited from the trial. (You got away with murder in that trial, O.J.--you don't call that "profiting?")
Coleman Basketball Wiz
He always went "Number One." ... In the NBA draft he went number one to the New Jersey Nets. And last summer he went number one all over the floor of the Intermezzo Restaurant.
Strawberry Strawberry Can't Field Forever
The Yankees once played baseball in "The House that Ruth Built." Now they play in "The Crack House That Strawberry Built."

Jeffrey C. Hause has written professionally (in a very amateur fashion) for entertainers like Jay Leno, Jim Carrey, Rodney Dangerfield, Gabe Kaplan, Rick Dees and people he'd rather not tell you about. He's also written screenplays for producers like Ivan Reitman, Richard Donner, Ray Stark, Lawrence Turman, and Samuel Goldwyn Jr., at Warner Brothers, Disney, Universal, Columbia, Franchise Pictures and Interscope. Here's his résumé. You can e-mail him at jeff@sportshollywood.com.

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