The Yankees once played baseball in "The House that Ruth Built." Now they play in "The Crack House That Strawberry Built."
That's right, the clean-up man who can't clean up, Darryl Strawberry, has once again violated baseball's drug policy--for a fourth time--and once again, the league has announced his suspension (or as the league calls it, his "administrative leave"--a fake term being used because it's become too laughable to just say "we suspended him once again even though we know it won't do any good").
At one time Strawberry was considered one of the elite players in the Major Leagues, but lately he's become better known for hitting the bottle, the crack pipe, and his female companions than for hitting the baseball.
In recent years he's been charged with not paying his child support, not paying his taxes, using drugs, tax evasion (once again), using drugs (once again), hitting his girlfriend, alcohol abuse, beating his wife (he slapped her in the face and threatened her with a .25-caliber semiautomatic handgun), fathering a child with another woman, and (yes, once again) hitting his wife--breaking her nose this time. (Remember the good old days when baseball fans only used the term "battery" in reference to pitchers and catchers?) Then to top it all off, he was sued by his lawyers for not paying his legal bills from all of the resulting lawsuits!
Before the "administrative leave," Strawberry had been on probation since May 26, 1999, when he was arrested for possession of cocaine (why do you think they call him "dope?") and soliciting an undercover police officer who was posing as a prostitute (giving new meaning to the phrase "turning pro").
Then, after testing positive for cocaine on January 19, Strawberry was unceremoniously asked to leave the Yankees' spring training camp. (No truth to the rumor that he went crazy at practice and tried snorting the first base line.)
But what can the Straw Man do? He could once again try rehab at the Betty Ford Center--but he's been there so many times that when he stands up to say "My name's Darryl and I'm a drug addict," the other addicts taunt him with chants of "Dar-ryl... Dar-ryl..."
Amazingly, even though this is the third violation of baseball's after-care program for Strawberry, he can still return to play once again next year. However, since Strawberry turns 38 in March, it is likely that his pathetic excuse of a major league career is finally, mercifully, over. Then he can whiff all the coke he wants instead of whiffing curve balls.
But age issues aside, when you're talking about the league's drug policy, it's obvious that it's "three strikes and you're still safe."
Strawberry Can't Field Forever
