Poor Sports:
Celebrating the Worst in Athletics

booyah Jerry Coleman Quotes

Former New York Yankees star and longtime San Diego Padres TV announcer Jerry Coleman is the 2005 recipient of the Ford C. Frick Award. So we have decided to honor Coleman with this column after winning this fantastic Frickin' award.

Coleman began his major league playing career with the Yankees in 1949 by earning the title of Rookie of the Year from the Associated Press. The very next year, he was an American League All-Star, and named the World Series' Most Valuable Player. Coleman played nine seasons with the New York Yankees (1949-1957). Three years after his last major league game, Coleman made his broadcast debut in 1960, handling pre-game interviews for Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese on CBS television Game of the Week. Beginning in 1963, Coleman joined a Yankees radio team featuring Mel Allen, Red Barber, Joe Garagiola and Phil Rizzuto, and was an active member of the broadcast team annually through 1969. In 1970, Coleman moved to southern California to host the Angels' pre-game show, while anchoring the evening sportscasts of KTLA-TV.

In 1972, Coleman became the voice of the Padres in the club's fourth season. In 1980, Coleman left the broadcast booth to become field manager for the Padres, a stint that lasted just one year after Coleman guided the club to a sixth-place finish (a season which probably deserves a tribute page all on its own). He returned as voice of the Padres in 1981. Coleman's work with CBS Radio Game of the Week continued through 1997, with additional assignments for The Baseball Network (1994-1995). He broadcast two World Series and 18 League Championship Series.

Today we celebrate his most famous quotes as an announcer. "Oh, Doctor" and "You can hang a star on that baby" are his most famous phrases... but not his most memorable. You see, by comparison, Jerry makes fellow Yankee Yogi Berra seem like a master of the English language! Most TV baseball announcers will make gaffes. They will forget names, mispronounce words, forget what they were talking about, and other slightly humorous mistakes, which causes the viewer to chuckle forgivingly in the den as they watch the game. Coleman's quotes, though, can be outright horrifying: Heads are lopped off at the outfield wall, babies are thrown from the upper deck as the pitchers throw up in the bullpen: Coleman pleads with his viewers to just try to stay alive until the next game. It leaves the viewer in awe and confusion, clutching their children in fear.

Here are some of Jerry's best calls:



"Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross... Coleman!"

"Hats off to drug abusers everywhere."

"It's a base hit on the error by Roberts."

"Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either."

"They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe."

"There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number."

"Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double."

"All the Padres need is a flyball in the air."

"Davis fouls out to third in fair territory."

"There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul."

"Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia."

"The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century."

"Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon."

"Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredicatable."

"If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did."

"Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight."

"The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston."

"Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican ?"

"I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over."



"That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures."

"The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five."

"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres -- two doubles and a triple."

"Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1."

"At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3."

"There's two heads to every coin."

"Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500."

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."

"The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split."


"Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion."

"Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel."

"Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it."

"You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it."



"There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base."

"I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series."

"He can be lethal death."

"The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin."

"If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck."

"If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement."

"Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen."

"That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it."

"National League umpires wear inside chest protesters."


"At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria."


Poor Sports Archive
Jeffrey C. Hause has written professionally (in a very amateur fashion) for entertainers like Jay Leno, Jim Carrey, Rodney Dangerfield, Gabe Kaplan, Rick Dees and people he'd rather not tell you about. He's also written screenplays at Warner Brothers, Disney, Universal, Columbia, Franchise Pictures, the Samuel Goldwyn Co., and Interscope. Here's his résumé. E-mail: jeff@sportshollywood.com.

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