ABOUT MISS MONEYPENNY?
(All the women Bond has had
carnal relations with in films)
Honey Ryder, Miss
Romanova, Vida, Zora, gypsy girl.
Jill Masterson, Pussy
Fiona, Patricia Fearing
Nobody (I told
you it was bad)
Ruby, Nancy, possibly an oriental girl, but, thankfully, not Her Majesty.
Miss Caruso, Rosie.
other people, including Anya, cabin girl, Egyptian girl.
(she needed all eight of them), Magda.
Fatima, Patricia Fearing, Deep-sea fishing girl.
Stacey, Kimberly, Pola (with a 57-year-old? Eeyew!)
Linda the yacht girl.
Pam Bouvier, Lupe.
MI6 elvaluator, (almost) Xenia Onatopp.
instructor and Paris Carver, but not Wai Lin (Bond refuses to sleep with women
who are fitter than he is).
Warmflash, Elektra King, Christmas Jones. And Moneypenny's getting closer!
Jinx, Samantha Frost, and whoever the hell else there was. I lost track.
Solange, Vesper... NO MONEYPENNY!
Strawberry Fields, no Moneypenny!
Unidentified Turkish Woman, Sévérine, and... BOND... NAILS... MONEYPENNY!
the tote board, that means that Sean Connery slept
with 21, Roger Moore bedded 18, Pierce
Brosnan had ten, Timothy Dalton romanced four,
and George Lazenby had three, not counting extras and continuity girls, and Daniel Craig is struggling to catch up with only two so far. The girls in the films are all perfect - outside of their acting...
Unlike his movie namesake, the Bond of the books was lucky if he got one girl
per novel, and they were rarely as flawless. Honeychile Rider has a broken nose.
Domino Vitale has one leg slightly shorter than the other and limps. Tatiana Romanov
has a manly behind from ice skating. And in Moonraker Gala Brand dumps
him for some ninny named Detective Inspector Vivian.
of the rules of the Bond pictures is that you're not allowed to have a leading
lady that can act -- because we can't afford them. This is very serious, for if
ever we were to have a real leading lady, the next time around we'd have to have
another one. And in no time at all we'd have to have Jane Fonda for $2 million
- Guy Hamilton, Bond film director
to COMEDY ON TAP
Music: "The Look of Love," from "Casino Royale" (1968)