By Phardoe...
The month of August means two things: my birthday and preseason NFL football games. Please make all birthday contributions in cash, I don't like checks!
Of course this means that football season is right around the corner. Don't you love football season? The memories it brings back, the many impending Sundays, the Monday Night Football games! I'm ready.
Sucking into the new millenium. |
I am a rarity, I like one team and they have eternally sucked. Let me clarify that, I do like other teams but not many. My focus has shifted through the years because my team has been so bad but when it comes right down to it my heart follows one single team. The mighty, cardiac Arizona Cardinals! They have had two good seasons my whole life. They won the division in 1974 (or was it '75) and then lost in the first round of the playoffs to the freaking Rams.
I remember as a young Phardoe when most of the team came to my grade school and played a basketball game against the local high school faculty. Afterwards they set up a table where they all sat for over an hour and signed autographs. I got Jim Hart, Terry Metcalf, Mel Gray, Jim Otis, Jim Bakken and Roger Wherli. Some of the greatest Cards ever, granted it's a short list.
Then came the magical season of 1998, the year they made the playoffs in a non-strike year. The last time that happened my pops was one and my mom wasn't even born yet. They lost in the second round but I barely cared because in the first round they beat the much-hated Dallas Cowboys. Not only did they beat them but they embarrassed them! Life was good!
Every year I have the same bright-eyed optimism that this could be the year. I'm like a Cubs fan on opening day! I dig Jake the Snake. I have faith that he can put together some of that Sun Devil magic.
Now saying all that there are some disturbing things about football too. Some are events that happen once and some are constants that drive my crazy.
Players get traded or sign for too much money or get hurt, whatever, but I hate to see an ex-Cardinal badmouth my team. As a true Redbird fan I will follow your career on other teams and wish you the best. I root for Tim McDonald, Ken Harvey, and Larry Centers. I won't do that when you complain. You hear me Eric Swann?!
Swann accused the Arizona Cardinals of treating him like an old can put out in the garbage when they released him last month. The feud between Swann and his former team intensified Monday when the former All-Pro defensive end said the Cardinals hindered his comeback from knee surgery and tried to blackball him from the NFL by sullying his reputation. Swann, Arizona's first-round draft pick in 1991, has filed a $3.5 million injury grievance against the Cardinals claiming he was injured when they released him. He is now with the Carolina Panthers.
Swann had seven operations on his knees while with Arizona but said the Cardinals never gave him a physical or an MRI before releasing him. Once free to try out for other teams, Swann said, he failed every physical he took and MRI's revealed damage in his knees that the Cardinals never told him about.
Hey jackass, why don't you pay attention when you go to the doctor? Ask questions, get second opinions. It's only your career we're talking about here. So I guess the Cards are to blame for you being to stupid to realize you were injured.
"With the MRI's, we saw some things in the knee that made us say "Hey, wait a minute now, this is a little more serious than we thought," Swann said. Wow, was that the first MRI you had? You never saw anything to say "hey" about before when you went under the knife...seven times? He said he often had to take pain pills to make it through the day, and when he couldn't play anymore Arizona accused him of letting the team down. Yeah, welcome to the pros hotshot! Ronnie Lott had part of a finger amputated to stay in a game.
I think Swann should be grateful the Cards drafted him. A North Carolina native, Swann was a star football player and wrestler at Harnett High School in Lillington, NC. However, Swann was declared academically ineligible to play for North Carolina State, and rather than enrolling as a "Proposition 48" student, Swann looked over his options. He ended up in Lynn, Massachusetts, playing with the Bay State Titans of the Minor League Football System. He never played college ball and they took a big risk drafting him. He wouldn't be a millionaire playing semi-pro ball in Massachusetts.
He practiced Sunday for the first time and both he and coach George Seifert said they expect him to play this year. Swann estimated his knees were 85-90 percent sound. So stop your bitching!
Chris Burr-head: That comb-over could go all...the...way!!! |
Now this may come as sacreligious to some of you but I have to say it and it won't be the last time. I can't stand Chris Berman!!! He is a fat, self indulgent, over-stated, over quoted, repetitive windbag! Enough already, shut the f*** up! I'm so sick of his banter. It's the same shit week after week, year after year. "Back, back, back", "He could go all the way", yeah we know, shut up! Come up with some new lines. Talk about a small bag of tricks! Why he gets so much respect is beyond me. Why was he in the front row of the last NFL Hall of Fame ceremonies? He was in front of other Hall members!! He didn't even play football. Get in the back row or better yet get the hell off the stage. And why does he always work the big events? The All-Star games, the Super Bowl, the big golf tournaments. He can never do the menial tasks like host Sportscenter; I guess I should be thankful for that though. Why doesn't he do something like commentate on a Patriots/Jets game? Why is he the resident scholar on everything? Why does he fill the airwaves every Sunday with his schtick?
Please Chris, I implore you, shut up, and go away!
If anyone has any dirt on this guy please send it to me. The best thing that can happen to Bermans career is a Marv Albert type scandal!
I feel better now!
8/9/2000
The Senior Tour
By Phardoe...
The Bulldog was put to sleep. |
What is the deal with an athlete who just can't let go? Some athletes just can't walk away. The window of opportunity to be a professional athlete is a small one. The average career expectancy of a pro athlete is six years or so and even the good ones don't play much beyond thirty-five. So then you're retired and you still have two-thirds of your life ahead of you. What the hell do you do now? I get it!
But saying all that, when you are old and you suck, get the hell out of the game! Nobody wants to see an old, tired ass athlete run around. If we wanted to see that we could just go to the park and watch softball games.
Reggie White has come out of retirement to continue playing and even signed a three-year deal. Not only does he not want to retire but also he wants three more years. That puts him close to forty. He is quoted as saying that he doesn't miss the game he just wants to play some more. Redundant, party of one!
Just call it what it is. You can't give up the game. Some guys aren't qualified for much else. Some guys prepare themselves and take on a second career.
There are so many athletes that still play way too long. Orel Hershiser is forty-two. He sucks. Great once, bad now. In his last game with the Dodgers he didn't make it out of the first inning. I can pitch that well!
NFL quarterback Dave Kreig just retired last week at the ripe old age of forty-one. He sucked when he was in his thirties! Why the hell was he hanging on?
Dennis Rodman would still play if someone would hire him but he's a whole series of problems, age being a minor one.
Please, Roberto -- "No mas." |
It seems like in boxing the problem is the worst. No one in that sport can just quit. George Foreman, Larry Holmes, the Spinks lads, Hector Camacho, Thomas Hearnes, Roberto Duran and even my favorite boxer of all time Sugar Ray Leonard have all stayed after the party was over. I saw Sugar Ray fight in Madison Square Garden when he was forty-one and he got pummeled. I hated it. I wanted to see him fight in person but I didn't want to see him get his ass kicked. It was like someone beating up an old man.
Even Julio Cesar Chavez, the great Mexican warrior, had to admit the truth. In a fight as one-sided as predicted, Kostya Tszyu defended his World Boxing Council super lightweight title Saturday night with a sixth-round technical knockout of Chavez. Afterward, the 38-year-old Chavez admitted his time had passed.
Thank you! Move over to the far right lane and stay out of the way. Chavez is 103-5-2, but has lost two of his last three fights. What the hell else does he have to prove?
Please, old guys, just quit. Go somewhere else, do something else. We don't want to see you anymore. Take two Geritol and call me in the morning!
Now, how about a few bits of various crap? Red Sox batboy Carlos Cowart has resigned his part-time job with the team as an investigation continues into the discovery of illegal steroids found in the car he borrowed from a player. Cowart, 20, was arrested June 30th in Boston's Dorchester section on charges including driving without a license. Cowart, who has worked for the Red Sox for four years, had borrowed Boston infielder Manny Alexander's car while Alexander and the team were in Chicago to play the White Sox, according to police. Alexander had no comment but you know they're not his. He's hitting .205 with one home run in 56 games this season. That would make them the most ineffective steroids in the history of steroids!
Manny Ramirez's agent, Jeff Moorad, said the Cleveland Indians' offer of a five-year contract extension worth $75 million is unacceptable. The sticking point, according to Moorad, is deferred money. He said $25 million would be deferred over the next 25 years starting in 2001. Unacceptable??!! Apparently he didn't like the idea of making a million a year for the next quarter of a century for doing nothing. Let's see, sleep all day, vacation all year, not work out and still make a cool million......no I guess not!
Moorad said the Indians' offer did not include a signing bonus. Oh then, hell no! No free money, no deal!
NFL MVP Kurt Warner got the long-term deal he was looking for Thursday, signing a six-year, $47 million contract with the St. Louis Rams.
"I always dreamed of playing in the Super Bowl, I always dreamed of winning the Super Bowl, but I never really imagined the stuff that would come with it,'' Warner said. "I'm truly blessed.''
The contract features $17.5 million in bonuses, $11.5 million now and another $6 million in a few years. The $11.5 million bonus is the largest in franchise history. Speaking of free money!
I gotta get a piece of this signing bonus crap!
I feel better now!
8/1/2000
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