I remember in a land far, far away (Santa Barbara) in a time long, long ago (1990) I was trapped in a hotel room desperately searching the local cable system for the latest big boxing match. I had missed the first five rounds and wasn't even sure if the fight was still going on. Finally, I found it and to my surprise not only was it still going on but it was a good fight. This fight was so lopsided in the favor of the champion that the odds makers in Vegas wouldn't even place odds on it. The champion was ferocious. He was a fighter like no other at that time. He was mean and ruthless. It appeared to many, including myself that he would never be beaten. The man seemed truly invincible.
The man was Mike Tyson and the fight was Tyson/Buster Douglas.
As we all know by now Buster Douglas knocked the hell out of him and sent the mighty "Iron Mike" Tyson crawling around on the canvas searching for his mouthpiece and a way out of Dodge. That was the beginning of the end for Mike! Since then he has been mired in controversy including two prison stints.
I was a big Tyson fan, I stood by him no matter what because I thought at anytime he could unleash that fury and turn a fight into a masterpiece. Then, Holyfield/Tyson II!
When Tyson bit him the first time I couldn't believe it. I had never seen anything like that so I figured it had to be a bad camera angle or something. Then he bit him again!
Tyson was disqualified for biting Holyfield's ear. He also played dirty when he knocked down Orlin Norris after the bell, attacked Lou Savarese after the 38-second fight had been stopped and when he tried to break Frans Botha's arm in a clinch in 1999. I guess he adheres to the old adage, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough!" He no longer was a scholar of boxing or even a great fighter. He was a psychotic circus freak. He has been reduced to a whiny, abusive, screaming, swearing idiot. Now I watch his fights to see what may happen as opposed to who wins, that part seems inconsequential.
Last Friday night I wasn't let down. Tyson fought Andrew Golota at the Palace of Auburn Hills near Detroit. Whether the promoters care to admit or not, the possibility of a bite, a low blow, a late punch, even a body slam is a big selling point for the fight. If you are a fight fan and were expecting to see a great boxing match you got screwed (if you paid $50 for pay-for-view you really got screwed), but if you are a fan of a good freakshow and were expecting some weird shit to happen…bingo, it happened! This time though, Tyson wasn't the problem child, Golota was. That's no real stretch of the imagination though, considering Golota's past. He bit Samson Pou'ha on the shoulder in one fight and he head-butted Danell Nicholson in another, but his biggest claim to fame before this fight was getting disqualified for repeatedly hitting Riddick Bowe in the nuts. I guess he figured a Tyson fight was a bigger stage to act out on.
Golota quit after the second round and left the ring to a chorus of boos, a shower of soda and beer and severe criticism from the media. And what the hell hit him as he was approaching the tunnel. It was either a bloody Mary or a cup of blood.
Well a day later things seemed a little clearer. Golota was admitted to Chicago's Resurrection Hospital Saturday afternoon with a concussion, a fractured left cheekbone and a herniated disk in his neck. Dr. Wesley Yapor, a neurosurgeon treating Golota, said the 32-year-old fighter sustained a herniated disk between the fourth and fifth cervical vertebrae, and that he had been fitted with a cervical collar. I guess he really did have a reason for quitting!
"Everybody just assumed, well, here we have a winner and a quitter,'' said Golota's wife, a lawyer whose office in northwest Chicago was pelted with eggs and had garbage
dumped in front of it, "there was more involved.''
You know it's too bad that he got hurt but other than a parachutist landing at ringside this is one of the weirder fights I've seen. Golota just bails, he looked so lost. The last time I saw a look that blank Troy Aikman had just gotten his sixth concussion. As a fight fan I wish Andrew Golota would just go away but as a sideshow fan I love him. I won't pay to see a fight because every time I do it's a rip but I would pay to see Golota, Butterbean, Mark Gastineau, a couple of little people, a gorilla, Vince McMahon, Allen Iverson and Keyshawn Johnson all juiced up on Jack Daniels in a steel cage match. The winner gets to stay in the public eye but all the losers have to move to a cave somewhere deep in South America. Maybe I can get to Tyson to train the gorilla!
As for Tyson, he said that this was his last fight….two words……my ass! He wants Tyson/Holyfield III and he really wants the big, fat paycheck of a fight with Lennox Lewis. If you remember he said he wanted to rip out Lewis' heart and feed it to him. He also wanted to eat Lewis' children. Even though Tyson said he knew Lewis doesn't have children he knows he has the drawing power for a big payday!
Elsewhere, ah the serenity of the World Series, the Fall Classic. Although I think it's been a good series, the highlight so far was when Roger Clemens threw the barrel of a broken bat at Mike Piazza in Game 2. What the hell was going on there? Did he mean to throw it? Yes he did! Did he mean to throw it at Piazza? Maybe. Piazza stated, "He seemed extremely apologetic and unsure and confused and unstable." You have to agree with Mike on the unstable part when Clemens was quoted as saying, "This is the World Series, it shouldn't overshadow what we're trying to do, I've done that before, I've thrown the bat at the batboy." Hmmm, Clemens vs. Golota! By the way, Clemens was fined $50,000 by baseball Tuesday for throwing the jagged bat barrel.
Darryl Strawberry is in trouble again. It seems D-A-R-Y-L left his treatment center from 11pm to 3am last Saturday to go on a crack smoking, Xanax taking binge. Strawberry was taken into custody Wednesday. He's a sad case. The arrest is the latest in a string of legal run-ins for the 1983 NL rookie of the year and eight-time All Star. In February, he was suspended for at least a year, his third cocaine-related suspension from baseball in five years. He's too easy a target, implement your on joke here!
This is not Kevin McHale's finest hour. NBA commissioner David Stern came down hard on the Minnesota Timberwolves for their secret salary agreement with Joe Smith, taking five first-round draft picks away from the team and fining them $3.5 million. As if that weren't bad enough Stern voided Smith's contract all together. He also voided Smith's last two contracts and thereby stripping Smith of his Larry Bird rights, which would have allowed him to sign a lucrative extension with the Timberwolves next summer. McHale faces possible suspension.
Smith's not actually the luckiest or the smartest player in the NBA, he made a big financial blunder earlier in his career when he turned down an extension from the Golden State Warriors worth tens of millions of dollars. He went on the market as a free agent and drew little interest before signing with the Timberwolves for $1.75 million prior to the 1998-99 season. Strike one! Now he's at strike two with no team or contract. He left college early to play in the NBA, can you tell?
Finally, Vince Tobin, who coached the Arizona Cardinals to its first playoff victory in 51 years two seasons ago, was fired Monday. This was after the Cards were handed they're worst loss in over twenty years (hard to believe huh?) to the equally shitty Dallas Cowboys 48-7.
Who cares? No one cares about this but the Tobin family. I've been a lifelong Cards fan, (pathetic isn't it?) and I thought they were FINALLY going to put it all together when they made it to the playoffs in 1998. Jake the Snake was the new sheriff in town who was leading the Redbirds to the Promised Land. Wrong! The next year they went 6-10 and so far this year they are 2-5. Bottom line is: They SUCK!!! They always have and apparently they always will!
"We've been very disappointed in the apparent decline, which was most noticeable yesterday in Dallas,'' Bidwill said.
What decline? They went from terminally terrible to 9-7 with exactly one playoff win in the last fifty-three years back to terrible. That's not a decline, shitty to average to shitty!
The only thing that Bidwell has done right lately is firing Buddy Ryan to hire Tobin "Coach Beige'', but that just balances out his f***up by hiring him.
The Cardinals are investing heavily in a stadium vote. There is widespread speculation that the team may move elsewhere if the vote is not successful. Who wants them?!
Michael Bidwill, the owner's son and Cardinals vice president and general counsel, said the stadium vote was not a factor in the firing, but added the move shows the organization is dedicated to winning.
"We want to win, and we've been saying that for a while,'' he said. "The performance to date has been unacceptable on the field. It's not just the wins and losses, it's the way we've played the games. It's the way we haven't scored a touchdown in the first quarter in the last two dozen regular-season games. Then last weekend's game.''
Here's my prediction, they will suck for quite a while, possibly forever but definitely this year, and there is no way in hell they will get a new stadium!
I feel better now!
10/27/2000
phardoe@sportshollywood.com
Tyson Meat 
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