| Penalty Box
EDITOR'S NOTE: It has been pointed out to us by readers that this site is SportsHollywood, not SportsSports, so we've decided to include some actors and music performers to this All-Star lineup.
HIS GUILT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS FACE: On December 29, Mike Tyson was arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona, on suspicion of DUI and felony drug possession after he nearly crashed into a police SUV when leaving a nightclub...
... Officers found him barely verbal, beligerent, and slurring his speech, so at first they didn't think there was anything unusual...
... Tyson is trying to unite the DUI, DWI, DWUI, OWI and OMVI titles...
... Tyson relapsed after his frustration from trying to pronounce "Christmas" all month...
PUNCH-DRUNK: Police are investigating allegations that boxer Mike Tyson assaulted a stripper and her boyfriend after an argument at a topless bar in Phoenix, but the fighter denies attacking anyone...
... More bad news for Tyson - the stripper is now ranked ahead of him by three boxing councils...
THERE GOES THAT COCA-COLA ENDORSEMENT DEAL: In a shameless plug for another article on this website, comedian Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle, recently the owner and president of the Vernon Tigers baseball club of the Pacific Coast League, was charged in the death of actress Virginia Rappé...
... Fatty doesn't have much of a criminal history but his rappé sheet is growing...
... The testimony took much longer than expected, because it all had to be acted out with title cards...
HIS FIRST REALISTIC FIGHT SCENE: Vince Vaughn was arrested by North Carolina cops in April and charged with fighting in public for his part in a brawl outside a New Hanover County bar (the movie star was in town working on the film 'Domestic Disturbance'). During the melee, fellow actor Steve Buscemi was stabbed several times. Vaughn entered a no contest plea...
... It's Vaughn's first starring role, but Buscemi is still make supporting appearances...
... He called a friend from jail and said, "You are so bail money, and you don't even know it"...
MORE DAZED, MORE CONFUSED: In October, a complaint about loud music led police to find actor Matthew McConaughey in his house dancing around with only a University of Texas bandana on his person. McConaughey was playing bongos, and had a bong. He was arrested on on suspicion of possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting transportation...
... This would be more shocking if he was naked banging on bongoes and WASN'T stoned...
... Wait, his hands were playing the bongoes, how was he holding the... oh, no...
TIME TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF: Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been sentenced to five years in Texas prison after being found guilty of violating his probation stemming from a drug charge, but he will not be forced to spend any time in jail...
... He pled no contest, kind of like every Chargers game he ever played...
 Like a Locklear in the headlights |
LOCK (NOT-IN-THE) CLEAR: After pleading no contest to a reckless driving charge last year, Heather Locklear was arrested again, for a hit-and-run in Westlake Village, Calif. She hit a no-parking sign on a public street and didn't report it to anyone, leading to the misdemeanor charge...
... Yeah, but if she stops, she gets arrested for parking...
... The good news is she CAN still get arrested in this town...
... If she hit and DROVE she might have gotten away with it...
... She's depressed because she can't find work—she writes "TJ Hooker" on her résumé and people get the wrong idea...
DON'T CALL ME PEE WEE: In July 1991, Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens was arrested in Sarasota, Florida, for masturbating during a film at an adult movie theater. When detectives examined his driver's license, Reubens told them, "I'm Pee-wee Herman", and offered to do a children's benefit for the sheriff's office...
... Jambi's hands were charged as accessories to the crime...
 They caught a Tiger by the taillight. |
HOLD THAT TIGER: Golf superstar Tiger Woods had painkillers, sleep drugs and an ingredient active in marijuana in his body when Florida police arrested him in May. Five different drugs were traced in his system: Hydrocodone, an opioid pain medication; Hydromorphone, another type of painkiller; Alprazolam (Xanax); Zolpidem (Ambien), and Delta-9 carboxy THC, which is found in marijuana, and is legal in Florida...
... Only in Florida would they prosecute you when they find out the drugs are legal...
... If only his game was as far under-par as he looks in this mug shot...
... The good news is that by the time those drugs wear off and he wakes up, his sentence will be over...
 Enjoying the 19th-29th holes. |
YOUR DALY DOSE: On October 26, John Daly was taken into protective custody by Winston-Salem police after being found drunk outside a Hooters restaurant. Daly was not arrested or charged with a violation. However, the police released his mug shot to the media...
... "Protective custody" to protect the Hooters girls, not John...
... How drunk was he? He was OUTSIDE of a Hooters restaurant...
... They released him when they found the ball he had shanked in the parking lot from the Meadowlands Golf Club three miles away...
 Offensive charge. |
THIS CASE IS A SLAM DUNK: In Eagle, Colorado, the sexual assault charge brought against Kobe Bryant and his admission that he "made the mistake of adultery" threaten to spoil his reputation as one of the NBA's classiest role models and cast a cloud over the Los Angeles Lakers...
... Shaq heard about it and said, "She says Kobe made a pass? Now I KNOW she's lying..."
... If convicted, he faces four years to life in prison, a fine of up to $750,000, and a $100 million shoe contract...
... On the bright side, Laker fans -- if he's capable of this the knee surgery must have been a complete success...
 Handcuffed by the goalie. |
ONE STANLEY CUP TOO MANY: Detroit Red Wings All-Star center Sergei Fedorov was arrested early Sunday morning in Royal Oak, Mich., and charged with driving while impaired, the Royal Oak police department said in a release. A vehicle driven by Fedorov was observed driving around a car that was stopped for a red light. Fedorov's vehicle then proceeded through the intersection and the red light at a high rate of speed...
... Sweet move, but wouldn't that be 'icing'...?
... The beer bottles had a 5-on-3 advantage in his blood/alcohol level...
... It's not his fault—he was asking for a line change midway through the intersection...
... The good news is that the penalty box is much larger at this level...
 Parked at Nutting Hill. |
HUGH GRANT-ME-A-PARDON: British actor Hugh Grant was caught with sex worker Divine Brown, aka Estella Marie Thompson, whom he paid $60 in return for oral sex, while in Los Angeles to promote the film, "Nine Months". Grant could spend six months in jail for lewd conduct...
... If he thinks that sentence seems long, he should try watching "Nine Months"...
... He was doing research for his next film, "Four Weddings and a Funeral and a Film Premiere and a Rental Car and a Solicitation Charge and a Court Date and a Prison Sentence...
... Divine Brown has blown more leads than the entire Dodgers pitching staff...
NEW YORKER RETIRES TO FLORIDA: In Florida, Darryl Strawberry was sentenced to 18 months in prison for violating his probation. Judge Ralph Steinberg ordered Strawberry to serve prison time from his original sentence on a 1999 conviction on drug and solicitation of prostitution charges. The 40-year-old former major league slugger has violated his probation six times. The latest violation involved breaking the rules of the drug treatment center by smoking, having sex with a resident and trading baseballs for cigarettes...
... Don't worry—he's used to doing time in an overcrowded, violent place with career-criminals, drugs and constant fighting, run by a cruel, uncaring overseer—he played for the Yankees...
FOUL TIP: A jury began deliberations Wednesday in the trial of Baseball Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett, accused of dragging a woman into a restaurant bathroom and assaulting her. Jurors deliberated for about 5 1/2 hours without reaching a verdict. Hennepin County District Judge Stephen Swanson sequestered them at a hotel for the night, and they were scheduled to reconvene Thursday morning. Puckett's attorney told the jury Wednesday that the state failed prove the charges against the former Minnesota Twins slugger...
... The jury's hung, but according to testimony, not Kirby...
KNIFING THROUGH THE OFFENSE: Ray Lewis will not play in the Baltimore Ravens' final five games and will undergo season-ending surgery...
... How ironic - finally it's RAY who'll go under the knife...
FUDGE PACKER: Green Bay Packers fullback Najeh Davenport was arrested for breaking into a university dormitory and defecating in a woman's closet. Davenport crept into a dorm room at Barry University around 6 a.m. on April 1. A woman sleeping in the room, Mary McCarthy, told police she was startled by a strange sound and saw Davenport squatting in her closet...
... He's going for two..."
... "I said to use the WATER-closet..."
Knee-slapper. |
I GIVE THAT DOUBLE-AXLE SPIN A 9.5: In Battle Ground, Washington, figure skater Tonya Harding pleaded innocent to a drunk driving charge. Harding failed a sobriety test on Saturday, Clark County sheriff's officers say, after she'd crashed her truck into a ditch...
... Tonya's never been good around a bar—liquor bar or iron bar...
HE NEEDED A SHOT-BLOCKER: Retired New Jersey Nets star Jayson Williams is expected to be charged with manslaughter as related to the death of limousine driver Costas Christofi, who was found shot to death at the former NBA star's 65-acre New Jersey estate last week...
... Too bad he wasn't that accurate a shooter during his playing days...
BAD BOY: Former Detroit Piston William Bedford is facing charges on his Feb. 12 arrest for marijuana trafficking. Police found 25 pounds of suspected marijuana in plastic-wrapped bricks in the back of his Chevy Suburban. Once a millionaire, Bedford claims he is broke and faces his fifth stint in jail...
... Hey, things could be worse fior him—he could still be playing for the Pistons...
![[lane]](images/fredlane.jpg)
LANE VIOLATION: Running back Fred Lane of the Carolina Panthers was arrested in Tennessee on drug and weapons charges when police found marijuana and an "assault-style weapon" in his Mercedes-Benz...
... His favorite play was always to shoot up the middle...
The Texas Rangers, no strangers to players in trouble, will take a look at Ruben Rivera. Rivera was released by the New York Yankees on March 11 for stealing a bat and glove from teammate Derek Jeter's locker and selling the items to a memorabilia dealer...
... Alex Rodriguez just disappeared...
... They misunderstood when they heard he led the league in steals...
... How much can you get for KKK hood owned by John Rocker...?
DRIVEN TO WIN: 20-year-old Kwame Brown, the first high school player taken with the #1 pick of the NBA draft, was charged Saturday with driving 120 mph in a 60 mph construction zone in Georgia...
... Okay, so he left school early, but finishing that Driver's Ed course might have been a good idea...
YOU CAN'T SAY THEY LACK A KILLER INSTINCT: In Kentucky, a high school basketball star was severely beaten after a rival team's tournament game, leaving him too injured to play in his own team's contest Wednesday. Assault charges have been filed against six Shelby Valley High School students after a melee Monday that injured Jarrod R. Adkins, the leading scorer for cross-county rival Millard High School...
... When everyone screamed "Beat Millard" they took it the wrong way...
"Please, have mercy, your honor—I'm just a Kidd..."
TALK ABOUT A "SHOOTING GUARD:" A friendly basketball game between U.S. and Afghan teams turned violent, with one American player kicked in the head and an Afghan spectator shot in the leg. The incident began when an American player fell on the court near the seating area of the Kabul stadium. An Afghan spectator stepped forward and kicked the player in the head. An Afghan guard with the U.S. team moved in to try to push the crowd back. He cocked his Kalashnikov and it went off unintentionally, hitting an Afghan spectator in the leg. The American team, which included soldiers, U.S. Embassy personnel and one British player, pulled out of the tournament after the incident, he said...
... Note to basketball fans in Afghanistan: Never yell "SHOOT"...
... Forget sending more soldiers - let's send Bobby Knight and Latrell Sprewell...
The law firm of Meserve, Mumper and Hughes has sued O.J. Simpson for more than $200,000, claiming the former football star failed to pay legal fees last year resulting from his child custody battle...
... He won't pay them until they figure out a way to help him LOSE custody of Kato Kaelin...
NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon's wife has filed for divorce after seven years of marriage to the four-time Winston Cup champion. Brooke Gordon said the marriage is "irretrievably broken" in court papers filed Friday. They did not specify the problems...
... Let's just say she's tired of him always finishing first...
WIZARDS OF THE COURT
![[pippen]](images/pippen.jpg)
Offensive charge |
![[albert]](images/malbert.jpg)
Guilty? YES!!! | ![[camby]](images/camby.jpg)
No defense |
MURDERERS' ROW
![[carruth]](images/carruth.jpg)
Run 'n' Shoot |
![[lewis]](images/raylewis.jpg)
Sudden death | ![[simpson]](images/osimpson.jpg)
Cutter & slasher |
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