The Greatest Sports Quotes of All Time

"Yeah, but I love you more than football and basketball."
-Tommy Lasorda to his wife after she declared that he loved baseball more than her.

"I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: they hope it's my last."
-Al Foreman, former major-league umpire

"The rush of estrogen was incredible." -Baseball fan Charles Murphy on how he felt when the ball hit his mitt as he caught Barry Bonds' 70th homer. (It's testosterone, Charles.) Murphy says he doesn't know what he will do with the ball. "Don't spend it all in one place." - A grinning Barry Bonds, speaking to Murphy. (Barry knows EXACTLY what Murphy will do with the ball.)

"He said the film crew primarily used him as a consultant for the love scenes."
-Gary Cannon, former teammate of the late, great Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner in "Bull Durham."

"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer."
-Ted Williams

"The only way to prove your a good sport is to lose."
-Ernie Banks, Cubs Infielder (1953-71)

"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry Mom, but nobody beats me."
-Leo Durocher

"He wants Texas back."
-Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations, 1981

"Baseball is like church. Many attend but few understand."
-Wes Westrum, Mets Manager (1965-67)

"I went through life as a "player to be named later!"
-Joe Garagiola, Catcher/TV Sports Commentator

"It was an insurance run, so I hit it to the Prudential building."
-Reggie Jackson after hitting a long homer at Fenway Park.

"We used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge so Chicago would have only one bad team."
-Comedian Tom Dreesen.

"I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'"
-Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner

"The last time the Cubs won a World Series was in 1908. The last time they were in one was 1945. Hey, any team can have a bad century."
-Tom Trebelhorn, former Chicago Cubs manager, after a loss.

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
-Dave Barry

Football

"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?"
-Vince Lombardi

"One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
-Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning, 1966.

"I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."
-Mike McCormack , coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis, 1981

"Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental."
-Doug Plank, ex-Chicago Bears safety.

"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
-Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books, 1991

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl" -Joe Jacoby of the Redskins
"To win, I'd run over Joe's mom, too."-Matt Millen of the Raiders

"I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral."
-Dorothy Shula , on the career dedication of her husband, the Miami Dolphins' coach, Don Shula, 1981

"Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can'?"
-Jeff Kemp, 49ers quarterback, when asked about his rapport with wide receiver Jerry Rice, 1986

"I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today."
-Gerald Ford (on February 3, 1974)

"The game of football is played all over the world. In some countries, such a game may be called a soccer match. In others, a revolution. However, there are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move the ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the football occasionally."
-Alfred Hitchcock

"He can be a great player in this league if he learns how to say two words: 'I'm full.'"
-Jerry Glanville on 300 pound Lincoln Kennedy.

"I don't know what he has. A pulled groin. A hip flexor. I don't know. A pulled something. I never pulled anything. You can't pull fat."
-Bruce Coslet, New York Jets coach

"What's the difference between a 3-week old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining."
-Mike Ditka

"Physically, he's a world-beater. Mentally, he's an egg-beater."
-Michigan center Matt Elliot, describing Ohio State linebacker Alonzo Spellman.

"I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today."
-Former President Gerald Ford (on February 3, 1974)

"Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week."
-Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football

"I don't want to say the economy is bad, but by the time the quarter hit the ground it was only worth 80% of what it was when he first flipped it."
-'Monday Night Football' analyst Dennis Miller, on President Bush's coin toss to begin the 2001 NFL season.

Basketball

"You don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball."
-Bobby Knight

"Even Jesus had trouble with 12 guys."
-Ex-Utah Jazz coach Frank Layden

"He's a quick learner, but he forgets quick, too."
-Mychal Thompson on center Vlade Divac.

"Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while for the defense to catch up."
-Red Auerbach

"I'm often mentioned in the same sentence as Michael Jordan. You know, 'That Scott Hastings, he's no Michael Jordan.'"
-Journeyman center Scott Hastings

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
-Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record, 1992

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
-Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, 1991

"He has the players too happy."
-Red Auerbach, the Boston Celtics' general manager, asked if he had any criticism of Bill Russell's coaching, 1966

"If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question ... wait a minute, I do have a dollar for every time I've been asked that question."
-Scott Skiles

"If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming."
-Charles Barkley

"My family got all over me because they said Bush is only for the rich people. Then I reminded them, 'Hey, I'm rich.'"
-Charles Barkley, on why he voted for President Bush.

"If it's your brain, you'll be fine. That's the smallest organ in your body."
-Charles Barkley to Chris Mullin, who had fainted.

"How messed up is this country when the most popular rapper is white and the most popular golfer is black?"
-Charles Barkley

"We were the quintessence of athletic atrocity."
-Mike Newlin, Houston Rocket guard, after a game his team lost to the New York Nets, 1976

"Nobody roots for Goliath."
-Wilt Chamberlain

"Quick guys get tired; big guys don't shrink."
-Marv Harshman, coach "What do you have when you've got an agent buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand."
-Pat Williams, former GM of the Orlando Magic.

"It's going to be exciting... of course, it was exciting when the Titanic went down."
-NBA coach Bob Weiss

"I'm independently wealthy. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - provided I die tomorrow."
-NBA coach Bill Fitch

"My nose didn't move. It definitely had position."
-Danny Schayes after his nose took an elbow from Hakeem Olajuwon.

"If you're 18 years old, you can go to jail, you can go to the military, you can fight and die for your country. Why shouldn't you be able to go play basketball for money?"
- Kwame Brown, a high school senior from Brunswick, Ga., predicted to be a top-5 selection in the NBA draft this year.

"When my time on Earth is gone, and my activities here are past; I want that they should bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass."
-Bobby Knight

Boxing

"He's the first guy to drive a $300,000 car with license plates he made himself."
-Jay Leno, after Mike Tyson bought four Bentley automobiles upon his release from prison.

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
-Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King "I love boxing. Where else do two grown men prance around in satin underwear, fighting over a belt? ... The one who wins gets a purse. They do it in gloves. It's the accessory connection I love."
-John McGovern

Golf

"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball."
- Don Carter, pro bowler

"If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt."
-Dean Martin

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
-Hank Aaron

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
-Lee Trevino

"Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing."
-Ben Hogan

"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law."
-H. G. Wells

"When you're conducting an overall career -- be it in acting or golf -- it's a selfish process. You must believe totally in what you are doing even if it is garbage."
-Jack Lemmon

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."
-Jack Lemmon

"They say 'practice" makes perfect.' Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."
-Henry Longhurst

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
-Lee Trevino

"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise."
-Roger Simon

I found out that all the important lessons of life are contained in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing: 1.Keep your head down - 2.Follow through - 3. Be born with money.
-P.J. O'Rourke

"(Golf is) a good walk spoiled."
-Mark Twain

Auto Racing

"All I had to do is keep turning left!"
-George Robson, Winner of the 1946 Indy 500

Olympics

"In the original Olympics, they competed completely naked. That'll cut down on your product endorsements."
-Dennis Miller

"Go for gold! -- We always go the distance."
-Adverstisement for a legal brothel in Australia, near the Olympic Homebush Bay venues.

"Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?" -Harry Caray