JOKE OF THE WEEK! 3/22/2001 Fingered by the police. BAD RAP: Rap superstar Eminem has reached a divorce agreement with his wife that gives them joint custody of their 5-year-old daughter... ... He's not happy with the decision, though - he thought "joint custody" meant he got to keep all of their pot stash... A series of three Eminem toy dolls will hit stores in July, created by Art Asylum, a company in Brooklyn, N.Y... ... There's also a doll of his wife, but his dolls have to stay 500 feet away, due to a restraining order... 3/9/2001 NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO PAINT THEIR CONE HATS ORANGE: Missouri lost a Supreme Court bid Monday to ban the Ku Klux Klan from its Adopt-A-Highway cleanup program. The court, without comment, turned down the state's argument that it should be allowed to bar the Klan from the litter control program because the organization won't accept blacks and other minorities as members... ... With Klansmen on the road they're trying to remove garbage by adding white trash... 2/23/2001 Pardon my blooper. ROGER, AND OUT: Former President Clinton's half brother was arrested early Saturday in downtown Hermosa Beach, 18 miles south of Los Angeles, for investigation of drunken driving after he was spotted driving erratically. The arrest comes less than a month after the former president pardoned his younger brother, Roger, 44, for a drug offense from 1985... ... Sounds like he has more in common with the CURRENT president than the last one... On Wednesday, Clinton was officially charged with drunken driving... ... Nobody explained to him that presidential pardons don't work for FUTURE arrests... 2/16/2001 SO HE CAN DRIVE OVER 45-MILES-PER-HOUR: In Florida, O.J. Simpson surrendered to authorities to face charges that he during a road-rage argument in December. Simpson is charged with burglary of a car and misdemeanor battery of motorist Jeffrey Pattinson... ... You'd think OJ would have learned by now not to cut in front of anybody... "Comedy On Tap" has a FREE daily electronic newsletter, delivering the cutting edge in pop culture, entertainment, political and weird humor directly to you -- free of charge!  Simply click below: http://www.comedyontap.com/daily/ IT'S FREE! 2/9/2001 TED ALREADY SAW A MORE REALISTIC VERSION: Movie night at the White House got a thumbs-up on Friday from Massachusetts Sen. Edward Kennedy, who described watching a film about his late brothers and the Cuban missile crisis as an emotional experience. At President George W. Bush's invitation, Kennedy and other members of his staunchly Democratic family dropped by the executive mansion on Thursday night for a special screening of "Thirteen Days"... ... Why do I get the feeling the guy who played JFK was a more convincing president than Bush...? ... I'll bet the guy playing JFK was a more convincing Kennedy than Teddy is... 2/2/2001 NIGHTMARE ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE: Horror movie director Wes Craven, the man behind "Scream" and "Nightmare on Elm Street," has made a film of former President Clinton giving a White House tour during his last days in office. The footage will be used for an hour-long documentary that will eventually be shown at the future Clinton presidential library in Arkansas... ... I never screamed louder at a shower scene - there wasn't a slasher or anything, I just saw Hillary naked... ... Thank God there can't be a sequel to THIS... 1/26/2001 NICE CABINET WORK: The Senate approved the first seven members of George W. Bush's Cabinet just hours after his inauguration... ... It'll be the first cabinet that Bush has filled with something other than liquor bottles... 1/8/2001 LITTLE PINK JAILHOUSES FOR YOU AND ME: Eric Franklin Rosser, a former piano player in rock singer John Mellencamp's band, was added to the FBI's Most-Wanted List for allegedly producing and distributing child pornography... ... Arresting him could stop two cultural catastrophes - the spread of pornography AND the recording of another John Mellencamp album... Thai Police, who arrested Eric Franklin Rosser earlier this year, believe Mellencamp's former pianist might be somewhere in Europe... ... He told their informant: "I'm gonna flee to a small town; Then I'll hole up in a small town; Probably get caught in a small town, and that's prob'ly where they'll bury me..."   1/1/2001 Wedding party. LIKE A VIRGIN (MARY): Residents of a sleepy English village were stunned when Madonna joined them to sing Christmas carols. Madonna and her new husband, British film director Guy Ritchie, attended Christmas midnight mass at the medieval St Michael's Church in Wilsford-cum-Lake near the southern English city of Salisbury. "Madonna and Guy joined in with all the usual songs like 'While Shepherds Watched' and 'O Come All Ye Faithful'," Canon John Reynolds, who conducted the service, was quoted as saying by Britain's Sun tabloid... ... Of course most of the other parishioners didn't need overdubs, pre-recorded vocals, and three back-up singers... "Comedy On Tap" has a FREE daily electronic newsletter, delivering the cutting edge in pop culture, entertainment, political and weird humor directly to you -- free of charge!  Simply click below: http://www.comedyontap.com/daily/ IT'S FREE! 2000 IN REVIEW