| Offensive Line
 Off the Sports Wire
6/1/06 -- HOW ABOUT A DOUBLE-HEADER? Barry Bonds was dazed after being hit by a ball during batting practice before the Giants' game Wednesday night against the Brewers at Miller Park. Bonds was leaning against the batting cage when a ball hit by Giants infielder Kevin Frandsen was caught by netting covering the batting cage, then struck Bonds in the forehead…
… Yeah, but let’s be honest – how could you miss?
A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME: Pete Rose blames his accusers and medical conditions for the problems that got him kicked out of baseball. Rose spills his thoughts in a colorful autobiography, "Pete Rose: My Prison Without Bars," released Thursday by Rodale Inc. Rose, still banned 14 1/2 years later, also concedes for the first time that he bet on Cincinnati Reds games while he was manager. The highly touted 322-page book, in which Rose admits he gambled on the Reds while managing the team in the late 1980s, contains no bombshells. But Rose writes he has had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Behavior, which he says he got from his mother, and the book contains several quotes from a doctor about the effects. He repeats that he still loves to gamble legally at racetracks, but maintains that he should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame...
... Wanna bet...?
HOOTIE VS. HOOTER: On the eve of the Masters, Augusta National chairman Hootie Johnson refused to back down once again on the issue of women members, saying he will not change his mind and that the controversy will not damage the tournament. With more than 60 green-jacketed members standing by in silent support, Hootie said the club is united in the belief that it has a right to choose its members...
... Phil Mickelson has pretty large breasts. That sort of counts, doesn't it...?
A golf driving range in Wisconsin has set up an 8-foot-wide, 12-foot-tall billboard of Saddam Hussein. The Golf Shack in De Pere set up the billboard on the 100 yard mark, reports theGreen Bay Press Gazette. Owner Bob Kapla said the objective provides amusement to golfers gearing up for the season and to show support to US troops...
... The golfers HAVE to be more accurate than the Iraqi soldiers firing scud missiles at Kuwait...
A LOAD OF BULL: Portly Chicago Bulls' general manager Jerry Krause, who broke up the Chicago Bulls dynasty team with Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman and coach Phil Jackson, resigned from his post Monday, one week before the season ends, citing health reasons...
... Health reasons because there are a lot of Bulls fans who want to kill him...
ONE HIT TOO MANY: Former baseball pro Darryl Strawberry walked out of Gainesville Correctional Institution Tuesday after serving 11 months of an 18-month sentence for violating probation on drug possession charges. Strawberry also accepted the $100 check the state gives inmates upon their release...
... Why do I get the feeling that a drug dealer in Florida is a hundred bucks richer tonight...?
Muhammad Ali and his daughter, Hana Ali, are co-writing a spiritual memoir. "Soul of a Butterfly: Reflections on Life's Journey" is scheduled to come out this fall...
... It was time to bring in a collaborator after he'd spent six months on the book and hadn't hit the first key yet...
U.S. Open champion Pete Sampras and his actress wife Bridgette Wilson have announced the birth of their first child, Christian Charles Sampras...
... There's a picture of them with posing with him - he's tiny, hairless, crying... Wait, that's Andre Agassi...
Growing numbers of Japanese women are said to be modelling their pubic hair on soccer star David Beckham haircuts. According to the the Mainichi Daily News the trend is most popular among office workers. Apparently there are three basic cuts. 'Soft Beckhams' are those where the hair is allowed to grow freely but it curls back to form a natural peak. 'Popular Beckhams' involve brushing the hair into a Mohican, while 'Hardcore Beckhams' require the wearer to dye the top of the Mohican an eye-catching colour...
... The only down side is that you have to score with these people without using your hands...
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KNIGHT FALLS ON TEXAS: Bobby Knight signed a five-year, $1.25 million deal to coach the Texas Tech basketball team. With other incentives, the salary comes to about $400,000 annually...
... The Tech in the school title now stands for "Technical Foul"...
... The team's been choking for years, so now they'll finally have a coach who chokes back...
DON'T BEND OVER - THEY'LL DRIVE: Formula One auto racing team owner Peter Sauber does not want his young drivers sidetracked by sexual distractions. So his Swiss-based team has banned girlfriends from attending the first three races of the season. The next Formula One race is in Brazil in two weeks' time, followed by the San Marino Grand Prix at Imola. The season started in Australia on March 4...
... That explains why their cars don't need back seats...
... So they can't be in a poll position for a least a few more weeks...
PUCKISH BEHAVIOR: Edmonton Oilers forwards Ethan Moreau and Anson Carter both went out in the first period of Sunday's game with the Carolina Hurricanes after being hit in the face with the puck. Moreau, who suffered a broken nose, was back on the ice to start the second period wearing a face mask. Carter was back on the bench to start the second after taking six stitches...
... Giving new meaning to the term "face-off"...
LOSING IS REALLY GOING TO HURT ATTENDANCE: A Nigerian man killed himself over the national soccer team's 0-0 draw with Ghana in a World Cup qualifying match last weekend, the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) says. The middle-aged man told witnesses he would take his own life if Nigeria failed to win the match played in Accra. "When he said it, we thought he was joking. But surprisingly, immediately after the match he took out a small bottle from his pocket and drank the contents," the news agency quoted eyewitness Joyce Onwuka as saying. "It was when he started foaming in the mouth a few minutes after and subsequently died that we realized it was not a joke..."
... I guess he was hoping for sudden-death overtime...
THE YEAR 2000 IN REVIEW
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THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE TWINS TO ME: Former teammates Dave Winfield, who roamed the baseball diamonds for more than two decades, and Kirby Puckett, who had his career cut short by an eye injury, were elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame this week...
... When you heard someone yell "good eye" on that team they were talking about Winfield, not Kirby...
TRUMPED: Donald Trump has swung back at a golfer who allegedly clubbed an exotic black swan to death. The golfer, who was playing at the $40 million Trump International Golf Club two weeks ago as the guest of a member, has been banned from all of Trump's properties worldwide. Guest Cyril Wagner told investigators he killed the 50-pound bird in self-defense with one swing...
... Usually it takes at least three swings to nail a birdie...
Salt Lake City Olympic officials are working on security preparations for President Bush to attend the opening of the 2002 Winter Games. The White House has not confirmed Bush will make the trip, but the Secret Service and the Utah Olympic Public Safety Command already are working on plans to deal with crowds, traffic and protests...
... For some reason Bush got all excited about going when he heard the mountains of Utah were known for their fine white powder...
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NICE HIT: Baltimore Ravens star Ray Lewis, who fought for his life against murder charges, won The Associated Press Defensive Player of the Year award...
... Actually if you're going to award the best defense you should give it to his lawyer...
STINGING RETURN: Monica Seles, stabbed in the back by a fan in Germany in 1993, got another scare Wednesday. Seles was startled by an autograph seeker who approached her from behind at the Hopman Cup. She was sitting courtside after her mixed-doubles match between the United States and Russia when a middle-aged man tapped her on the shoulder trying to get her signature. Seles apparently was surprised by the man and immediately grabbed playing partner Jan-Michael Gambill, who escorted her from the area. Security officials at Burswood Dome removed the man from the area, but no action was taken against him...
... She got a bigger scare later - when Jana Novotna tapped her on the back naked in the shower of the women's locker room...
Ex-boxing champ Oscar De La Hoya has lost two of his last three fights and he is suing his long-time promoter, but he appeared on the Tonight Show singing his song 'Run to Me' ('Ven a Mi')...
... Just what we need - another weak hit from Oscar...
... Unfortunately his singing got bigger laughs than Leno did...
Hall-of-Famer Mario Lemieux made a remarkable comeback after 3 1/2 years of retirement, scoring a goal and assisting on two others - one on his first pass on his first shift, no less - as the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Toronto Maple Leafs 5-0 Wednesday night...
... He has a new trick move now to clear the lanes: It's called "Ow! Ow! Relapse! Give me room to breathe!!!"
Marshall Faulk missed two games of the NFL season and still easily won the league's Most Valuable Player award...
... Michael Irvin should win then - he was more valuable by not playing in SIXTEEN games...
Prosecutors are considering whether to charge Phoenix Suns guard Penny Hardaway in an incident in which, while holding a handgun, he commanded that his girlfriend get back into his house during an argument. Hardaway's lawyers contend he never pointed the gun at her...
... Anybody that ever watched Penny play knows he's a shoot-first player...
Sports Illustrated reports that Dallas Mavericks point guard Steve Nash is dating Geri Halliwell, formerly known as Ginger Spice...
... No truth to the rumor that former Maverick Dennis Rodman is Scary Spice...
"Sports do not build character. They reveal it."
-Haywood Hale Broun, quoted in James A. Michener's Sports in America |
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