Time is never wasted when
you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us
stomaches.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life,
so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Beer is good food.
you don't like jail?
naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
--Charles Bukowski
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it
makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore
Beer: Nature's laxative.
Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
--Dorothy Parker
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are
drinking Barry Manilow.
--Dave Barry
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons
a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire
winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
--Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy
and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
Draft beer, not people!
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
--Edward Abbey
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of
beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Put it back in the horse!
--H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
Submitted by: Ying Yang