Benefits of Hanging out at Comedy On Tap:
1. You no longer have to get up every morning, read three newspapers, two magazines, watch CNN for an hour (including ten full minutes of medic-alert commercials), or listen to biased, hateful talk radio (including twenty full minutes of medic-alert commercials) to be informed—WE DO IT FOR YOU.*
"Wanna trade T-shirts?"
*—As an added bonus, we give you with something clever to say about every top story!
2. Our jokes, satire and commentary are hot off today's newspages—not a couple days old. You can tell the jokes to your friends and co-workers HOURS before Leno and Letterman, and pretend you thought them up, yourself!**
**—Heck, you have a couple hours, you have time to sell them to Leno, yourself!
3. Armed with "Comedy On Tap" everyday, you'll have something witty to say about EVERYTHING. Our writers have worked with Jay Leno, Rodney Dangerfield, Rush Limbaugh (sorry), Jim Carrey, and a host of other major American humorists (between gigs at retail stores and late-night paper routes)!
4. You'll become a know-it-all and annoy EVERYONE with your
***—Women love funny guys—if we don't get you 20% more
action—YOUR MONEY IS CHEERFULLY REFUNDED! Take it from the writers of "Comedy on Tap"—when we try to seduce girls like Shannon, here, the one thing you can be GUARANTEED to hear is laughter!
"I lost my Comedy On Tap... can I borrow yours?"
CASE IN POINT: Kristen, at left, knew nothing of today's important social issues, had no opinion on any political events, and rarely spoke about the crisis in the Middle East....
... But then she signed up for COMEDY ON TAP—and today the guys follow her around all day, fighting over each other, clamoring just to enjoy her views!
See? COMEDY ON TAP can make you popular, just like Kristen!
"Now when I want to get things off my chest, people pay attention!"
Just think—you get all the latest news, witty retorts, annoying super-intellectualism—combined with your great looks, curvy thighs and perfect breasts—and you will become extremely popular... and all you have to do is ASK FOR IT!****
****—And support our advertisers—did we forget to mention that? Kristen, Shannon and Parker go for witty men, but they REALLY go for witty men who support our advertisers!
COMEDY ON TAP ... Where humor flows like a fine, brown nut ale...
...And then flows back out again!
Read our crap and this could be you!!
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